I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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