Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
