I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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