You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
