So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
