One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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