if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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