Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
