I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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