I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
