you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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