a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
