I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This couple is walking their pig around campus
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
