why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
