Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
