You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
