i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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