my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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