My nipple is on Facebook.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
