So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
