I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
