You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
