omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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