I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
