honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
