fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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