You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
