Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
