i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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