Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you win again, gameday.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
