I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
