Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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