we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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