he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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