Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
