Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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