apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
