party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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