Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
