4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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