I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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