I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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