did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
