i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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