Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
