I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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