It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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