i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
