Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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