WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
