How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
