your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
