party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
