I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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