people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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