omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
