I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
