She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
