Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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