Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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