His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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