Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
