just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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