Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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