Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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