I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
