I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
