I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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