I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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