My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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